Can she hear you?

So this post is probably going to be abit long sorry, I just want to catch you up to where we are at now so I can update as we go!

Alright so rewind back to August when our baby girl was born, Eva arrived 8 days early and couldn’t wait to meet the world with a speedy entrance (unlike her big bro), after Eva was born and got all her checks we got the comments about how it’s not often they see a baby so perfect, and perfect she is.

Usually there is a newborn hearing screen conducted in the first 48 hours, unfortunately for us it had been extremely busy with births in the region which meant we would have to wait so that’s what we did. During our midwife and plunket visits we always got the question is she reacting to noise? Can she hear you? I always answered yep I’m pretty sure she can, due to the fact she would smile at you when you talked to her and coo and make noises back so yes of course she is hearing us… So we thought! At 6 weeks they came to do her hearing test, but since Eva didn’t like to sleep it was taking to long and they couldn’t do it. After that day they tried another 3 times (well mostly, some times they didn’t bother to come in) anyway finally at 11 weeks old they managed to do the test and that’s when the lady turned to me and said “is Eva sick?” I said no she’s not been sick at all and she replied “ok she’s not picking up anything on the test at all so we will have to refer you”. At this point I wasn’t worried I thought ok she must just have fluid in her ears from birth, or the lady doesn’t know what she’s doing.

A few weeks later we received the referral to Rotorua hospital audiology, so off Eva and I went to the hospital, because Eva was to interested in the world and didn’t believe in sleep during the day it ended up taking 5 hours nonstop just to test one ear. At the end of the session the audiologist told me, Eva is not picking up much if anything at all in  her left ear, she is profoundly deaf, you will need to come back next week to test the other ear. I didn’t really know what I was hearing so after a long tiring day I went home and told Carl between tears. Then came the questions from Carl, “what does this mean?, what do we do now?,” and I wasn’t really sure, I didn’t know what this would mean for our daughter. The next morning I received a phone call from the audiology department saying they had cleared the day and wanted us to come in urgently, so I called Carl to come with me and within the hour we were back in the soundproof room ready to go again. During the test which took another 5 hours my brain was running wild and I was trying my best not to cry thinking about what would be the outcome, towards the end of the test the audiologist told us it wasn’t looking good, she had very little response in her right ear and that she is severely  to profoundly deaf ( meaning she would only possibly hear a jet plane if it was next to her).

We left the hospital hopped in the car and just cried, I literally cried for the next 5 days straight, carl and I then started going through reasons of why? Why has this happened to her? Nobody in either sides of our families are deaf so why now? Then the self blame started. I thought it has to be because of me, was it from the times I ate soft cheese, or that time I had sushi, maybe when I had gastro while pregnant, my mind was going in over drive, I couldn’t sleep I just felt depressed. Carl was the same he questioned whether he had come home and held her after possibly using chemicals at work, it was horrible. Then came anger, we were both so mad at the world, and confused nothing made sense, Carl took his anger out with the football and smashed a window where as I just continued to cry.

To be continued…



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